My Experience With Thyroid Cancer

It has been quite a while since I wrote, wow! A lot has happened since my last post in 2019. I ended up applying as a transfer student to Sac State and I was accepted into the Spanish BA program. After I learned I was accepted for fall 2020, the pandemic hit in early 2020 and seemed to unnerve most of us. I was fortunate that my job wasn't affected, and I have remained healthy this whole time! Not by accident of course...I have been very cautious in my exposure to other people, even after being vaccinated in 2021. In terms of my cancer monitoring, my thyroglobulin has remained stable and my ultrasounds continue to look the same year over year. I hit a big milestone this month and that is the 10 year anniversary of my diagnosis. I am grateful to be alive and I'm humbled by reaching an anniversary many don't get to see. The difference between 19 and 29 is mind-blowing. Deciding to transfer to Sac State and finish my Bachelor's degree was tough. I had to admit things to my...

It has been over a year since I wrote! Usually May 2nd, the anniversary of my diagnosis, prompts me to come here and write. This year on May 2nd I was on a great trip to Bend, Oregon with my husband. I wanted to write but didn't have the time or the pull to do it. We were also occupied with our impending move. We moved to another city in the Sacramento area, and my husband is now attending medical school. We are very excited about this! I feel like I'm reminded all the time these days that I had cancer. I think about it multiple times a day. If you had told me in 2012 or 2013 that this would be the case, I would be very sad! But that's my reality. I still don't know why, but I have shoulder and neck pain all the time. It spiked in April 2018 and has been up and down since. There have been months and months where I didn't prioritize it and I waited for it to go away on its own. Then there have been times where I've been fed up and actively pursued answers. I...

Six years post-diagnosis....wow. And I can't believe I haven't written in a year! Wedding planning kept me so busy! I married my best friend, my husband, Labor Day weekend 2017. We honeymooned in Jamaica and had a blast. So what has the last year held for me? Honestly, what comes to mind are the two incredible women I knew who died of cancer. I hated typing those words. I knew a woman named Betsy who was one of the kindest souls I've ever met. She was a former smoker and she died of metastatic lung cancer just four months after being diagnosed. She and I had talked about her diagnosis. She was a very spiritual person and she eagerly brought that to having cancer. I remember her saying, "I don't hate my cancer. I grew it in my body. I'm going to love my cancer because it's a part of me." That blew my mind! I had never considered that. I have written on this blog about hating my cancer. Betsy was a student of A Course in Miracles, which is a...

Five years ago today, I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer. It wasn't until July 2012 that my doctors discovered it had spread to my lymph nodes. What a ride it's been! My life since having cancer has had its ups and downs. 2012 was a blur of shock. 2013 was my melancholy year. So much morbid reflection and fear. 2014 I did my yoga teacher training and life started to open up in this beautiful way. In 2015 Johnny and I moved to Davis. In 2016 I traveled to Peru and also went back to working as a full time nanny. On Christmas Day 2016 my boyfriend proposed to me, so we are planning a September wedding! Getting engaged and starting this chapter of our lives feels amazing. It feels appropriate because the last few years have held so much light for us as a couple, and for me as a young woman. I'm still 24! Still becoming who I am. Having cancer had a huge impact on who I've become. It entered into my life at such a crucial time. I'm grateful for the imprint i...

I was recently told, "You travel a lot." At first I mentally rejected that idea because I've never been to Europe, and my bank account is nothing to speak of. But it is true. I do travel a lot. I'm always going all over California as much as I can. I went to Peru nine months ago. I love being in the car, so road trips to Tahoe, the bay area, or Mount Shasta are no sweat, and are something I seek out as frequently as I can. My idea of a fun day off is to drive to Berkeley, an hour away, and get lunch at my favorite vegan delicatessen. I even drive to Winters first, which is the longer, scenic route. I go places as often as I can because I don't know any other way. I'm a pretty busy person too; I work a lot, I'm in school, I cook, yoga, etc. But I'm always carving out the next trip. My mom is this way. She was always planning weekends away and vacations of varying sizes when I was growing up. She is not one to sit still, and I am the same. I want to see ...

I thought I better check in again. It is always painful to examine my cancer life, thus I write infrequently. What really inspired me to write tonight was that I recently concerned some people in my family because of a quote I posted on facebook. Lots of people on facebook are cryptic, vague, indirect. I am not that way, and I really loathe that approach. I am direct. But some people were concerned that something was wrong with me when I posted the following: "i guess i could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. sometimes i feel like i'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. and then i remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. and then it flows through me like rain and i can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. you have no idea what I'm talking about, i...

I am encountering some more shifts and changes in life that feel relevant to this blog so blog again I shall. I have enrolled in college again, and I start next week. It happened quickly in that I decided to enroll yesterday, and yet I've been working on this decision for a few years. Throughout being treated for thyroid cancer I became increasingly frustrated with how it interfered with school, and I eventually talked myself out of college altogether. I became disillusioned with the whole system, the incredible debt I would amass, and I also got scared as most 21 year olds do. I've been out of college the last two years and looking back, I've just been rebuilding my life and getting a foothold again after this metastatic disease knocked me down. I've shared openly on here the trauma and sadness I faced after the surgeries and treatment I had. The blues mostly came after it was all over. 2013, a year where I had no treatment at all, was a very hard time. Then my yoga ...

It feels like it's been forever since I've written. A new job has kept me busy. Working in a medical office has been fun and challenging. Talking to people who have cancer or fear they have cancer is emotional for me. I enjoy being a kind ear for them, though. In a dermatology office, cancer is on the minds of most people calling and coming in for appointments. Today I had the unique experience of talking with an acquaintance/mutual friend who has recently been diagnosed with thyroid disease. She reached out online to ask if anyone had experience with it and we connected within a few hours. It is always rewarding to be able to compare stories and share my experience with people. I have done it a lot actually, through email with readers of this blog. I've had some very meaningful exchanges with some of you all. It means the world to me. I am just a vessel. I am not virtuous, but serve an amazing God who uses me to carry a message. Today I was shown again how I didn't g...

Would you believe that in this 2012 pic I'm in between cancer surgeries, with an infected hypertrophic scar, off thyroid meds and up 10+ lbs, unable to get through the day without an afternoon nap, facing down a radioactive treatment that required isolation and entailed extreme nausea and fatigue for days?! And I was so happy! Johnny and I went camping and had such an amazing time in the midst of all the chaos. i was in such survival mode here, clinging hard to all the gifts I had in front of me, and to any joy I came upon. I think I was desperate to feel good and enjoy anything I could. What an interesting time for me. I can honestly say I was so grateful and so with god during this time. It's two and a half years later and I get angry and entitled in traffic and I've pulled back in relationships and gotten isolated, and I think I trust god and walk in faith but truly it hasn't felt awesome to be in my skin lately. Somehow I've gotten away from the idea that sin...

I saw this again today and was inspired to write about it. I’ve seen it before, and it has always disturbed me. I would even venture to say that imagery like this is dangerous. Some of us can fall into a trap of thinking “I will be happy when….” Social media seems to perpetuate imagery and quotes that romanticize the past, the future, and pretty much everything. I just have so many questions when I read this ridiculous statement. You think you will have made it when you have a car and a house? You can’t wait to just acquire this specific set of things? What are you going to do to get there? You really want to just fast forward to some later time in your life because you think having a house, car and family will mean you have “made it?” Haven’t you seen Click? It’s bad to fast forward! Could you really enjoy things you haven’t earned? Does the universe not prepare us for what we are to receive/experience? These types of wishes for material things or for skipping to the ...