Five years out
Five years ago today, I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer. It wasn't until July 2012 that my doctors discovered it had spread to my lymph nodes.
What a ride it's been! My life since having cancer has had its ups and downs. 2012 was a blur of shock. 2013 was my melancholy year. So much morbid reflection and fear. 2014 I did my yoga teacher training and life started to open up in this beautiful way. In 2015 Johnny and I moved to Davis. In 2016 I traveled to Peru and also went back to working as a full time nanny. On Christmas Day 2016 my boyfriend proposed to me, so we are planning a September wedding! Getting engaged and starting this chapter of our lives feels amazing. It feels appropriate because the last few years have held so much light for us as a couple, and for me as a young woman. I'm still 24! Still becoming who I am. Having cancer had a huge impact on who I've become. It entered into my life at such a crucial time. I'm grateful for the imprint its made on my life. I wouldn't change a thing.
Here are some snapshots of life as of late:
One of the funnest days of my life, riding an ATV through the Sacred Valley of Peru.
The day Johnny and I got engaged felt like one of the best days of my life thus far. Sure, we had been dating eight years at this point. But we have strong personalities and our relationship isn't and wasn't perfect, and I wasn't certain he wanted to commit to me forever. (So annoying how the men get to be the ones to ask!) So to have this gesture, that he's all in, knowing we're both ready to join our lives and support each other for life, it's incredible. It's such a blessing.
Here's my incision, four and a half years post-op. Last year I worked in a dermatology office and laser center for a year. I had my scar lasered with the Vbeam pulse dye laser, I think twice. Maybe three times. It was painful and the scar would actually be red and puffy for a week afterward. I hated that! It was like I'd traveled back in time to the six months after my dissection. I did not like revisiting that time. I don't know if the lasering improved the scar. I think it did pull some redness out, but then sometimes I feel like it's the same. Who knows.
This is really hard to share because of the big blemish on my incision! But hey, that's my reality. I have had acne since high school, on my face, back, and some on my chest. I never experienced acne on my neck until after my second surgery. It drives me crazy! Especially the blemishes that appear right on my incision. One or two weeks ago, before this one showed up, I had one right in the middle of my neck, in my incision. So when one clears up, another comes along. Oh well. It's better than being dead. I thought I would address it in case others out there have post-op acne near/in their incision. I have tried googling it to see if anyone else online is talking about this, but all I get are websites for acne scar treatment, which is not what I'm looking for.
So five years post-diagnosis feels pretty great. It's such an exciting time in my life. I get to travel around, go to concerts, I'm getting married, our honeymoon will be in Jamaica. For so long I wanted to speed up time and live in a space where having cancer wasn't affecting me daily in such restricting ways. Well, here I am! Living in the future. Neck pain still visits me in some form almost daily. My neck and shoulder often feel weak. But I also take everything in differently than before. Eating ripe fruit is a magical experience now. The way the air feels and smells when warmer days hit. When I do a headstand. I appreciate these things so much and relish in being able to do them. I wouldn't change anything. Life is good!
What a ride it's been! My life since having cancer has had its ups and downs. 2012 was a blur of shock. 2013 was my melancholy year. So much morbid reflection and fear. 2014 I did my yoga teacher training and life started to open up in this beautiful way. In 2015 Johnny and I moved to Davis. In 2016 I traveled to Peru and also went back to working as a full time nanny. On Christmas Day 2016 my boyfriend proposed to me, so we are planning a September wedding! Getting engaged and starting this chapter of our lives feels amazing. It feels appropriate because the last few years have held so much light for us as a couple, and for me as a young woman. I'm still 24! Still becoming who I am. Having cancer had a huge impact on who I've become. It entered into my life at such a crucial time. I'm grateful for the imprint its made on my life. I wouldn't change a thing.
Here are some snapshots of life as of late:
One of the funnest days of my life, riding an ATV through the Sacred Valley of Peru.
The day Johnny and I got engaged felt like one of the best days of my life thus far. Sure, we had been dating eight years at this point. But we have strong personalities and our relationship isn't and wasn't perfect, and I wasn't certain he wanted to commit to me forever. (So annoying how the men get to be the ones to ask!) So to have this gesture, that he's all in, knowing we're both ready to join our lives and support each other for life, it's incredible. It's such a blessing.
Here's my incision, four and a half years post-op. Last year I worked in a dermatology office and laser center for a year. I had my scar lasered with the Vbeam pulse dye laser, I think twice. Maybe three times. It was painful and the scar would actually be red and puffy for a week afterward. I hated that! It was like I'd traveled back in time to the six months after my dissection. I did not like revisiting that time. I don't know if the lasering improved the scar. I think it did pull some redness out, but then sometimes I feel like it's the same. Who knows.
This is really hard to share because of the big blemish on my incision! But hey, that's my reality. I have had acne since high school, on my face, back, and some on my chest. I never experienced acne on my neck until after my second surgery. It drives me crazy! Especially the blemishes that appear right on my incision. One or two weeks ago, before this one showed up, I had one right in the middle of my neck, in my incision. So when one clears up, another comes along. Oh well. It's better than being dead. I thought I would address it in case others out there have post-op acne near/in their incision. I have tried googling it to see if anyone else online is talking about this, but all I get are websites for acne scar treatment, which is not what I'm looking for.
So five years post-diagnosis feels pretty great. It's such an exciting time in my life. I get to travel around, go to concerts, I'm getting married, our honeymoon will be in Jamaica. For so long I wanted to speed up time and live in a space where having cancer wasn't affecting me daily in such restricting ways. Well, here I am! Living in the future. Neck pain still visits me in some form almost daily. My neck and shoulder often feel weak. But I also take everything in differently than before. Eating ripe fruit is a magical experience now. The way the air feels and smells when warmer days hit. When I do a headstand. I appreciate these things so much and relish in being able to do them. I wouldn't change anything. Life is good!
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