My Experience With Thyroid Cancer

Hmm where to start? I'm still off work, I think next Monday I'll go back. I'm a little bummed that I won't be working on Halloween because I like to dress up. It will be nice to earn a paycheck, though. I have been on disability this whole time, but I haven't received a dime. I finally got an email letting me know that EDD is back logged with claims. I have to pay the rent again on Thursday and it's painful having to part with my savings. My family has always helped me when I've needed it, though. Both my mom and dad have stepped up at different times. My sleep has been all out of order. I have to remind myself that that's one of the possible side effects of being hyperthyroid. Last night I didn't fall asleep until 3am. I was so disappointed to wake up at 9am. Fortunately I fell back asleep until 1pm. This isn't gonna fly when I start back at work. I've got to transition back to a regular schedule. My decreased appetite has been interesting...

One of my favorite bands is Fleet Foxes. I've listened to them constantly ever since I saw them on Saturday Night Live years ago. Soon after my second surgery when I was all feeling good from the pain medication, I wanted to listen to some of their music. That's not something I usually do when I'm in the hospital, but I did. I don't usually like to buy music either, but I wanted to hear a song that I didn't have. I went into iTunes on my phone and bought Tiger Mountain Peasant Song. I listened to it a few times. Just so calming. Johnny and I saw them live at the Greek Theater in Berkeley last September. I count that night as one of my all time favorite experiences. I thought of that tonight and thought wow, what a change from September to September. Then I wondered what the date of the concert was last year. I looked it up and found that the concert last year was September 14, the same date as my surgery this year. I was totally surprised. So unbeknownst to us, we h...

Well, it was a little over six months ago that I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. A lot has happened! Here's an update. This is 21 days after my second surgery. One of the risks my surgeon had mentioned was a crooked smile, and there it is. I know it doesn't look noticeable to you, but it is strange for me to see in the mirror. Try as I might, my lip just doesn't come down all the way like the other side does, to expose a full smile. People have said, "Oh, that's nothing, you look fine." And I guess those people don't understand it. I posted this on Facebook and people said nice things, like that I look pretty, and that's fine. But I really don't need the reassurance that it's nothing. I don't need you to tell me my crooked frickin face is just fine. You stand in a mirror and try to move a muscle that won't move, and tell me that's just fine. You might think you're being nice, but it comes off as invalidating the nerve dam...

Well, I'm officially current here. I'm no longer telling about what happened weeks and months ago. So glad to be caught up! So at my post-op appointment, my surgeon said the incision looked great. I was just so glad it didn't come open like last time. It was surreal walking out of there with my mom, having gotten good news. It's literally never happened. Seems like I always leave Kaiser bummed out. So I rested a lot the weeks after surgery. Lots of time spent on the couch. My surgeon referred me to a physical therapist because of the shoulder pain I've had. So today was that appointment. The PT was nice and he showed me a lot of exercises to do to help the tightness in my neck and shoulders. It's not just that I have pain and can't lift things with my left arm; I can't turn my neck properly and I can't bend it back to do things like rinse my hair in the shower. (To rinse my hair, I have to adjust the shower nozzle and then arch my back in a way t...

The week leading up to surgery is usually a mixed bag. I have a great excuse to indulge and eat delicious food because I know soon I won't be able to. But I also try to make sure my house is in order and everything. It's scary wondering, "What condition will I be in when I come home?" So this is 16 weeks post-op, right before the second surgery. This time we had to be at the hospital at 5AM. My boyfriend grumbled about it, but I was glad to get it over with. So we went in, I pee in a cup, put on the gown and wait. Dr. Doctor came to talk to me about the surgery, which is standard operating procedure. He casually mentioned he may have to re-incise the original scar on my neck in order to accomplish what he needed to in there. I'm thinking, "What?!" But whatever. I finally fell asleep. And then I woke up! I was in a lot of pain and like my first surgery, all I remember was asking for pain medication. And I honestly don't even remember that . ...

My cousin Nichole came to Auburn and spent some time before my pre-op appointment for the second surgery. My Mom has always been available to take me to everything, but it became too much. Too much of one person. I made a selfish decision to bring someone else with me, and I don't regret it. That was quite a lesson for me, just the whole thing. So I went into that appointment pretty uninformed about what would happen. They didn't tell me much beforehand, so I learned a lot. The technical term for the procedure is a lateral neck dissection. That indicates that lymph nodes are being removed. (I'm immersing myself more in online research and thyroid cancer online forums, so I'm starting to know my stuff). Dr. Doctor wanted to basically slice up the left side of my neck to remove as many lymph nodes as possible. The theory he outlined was roughly, "Let's get all that we can while we're in there." I remember him saying, "I don't want to be pickin...

Can I just say that I'm happier now than I have been since this all started? I feel so grateful to be surrounded by amazing women who value introspection and personal growth and have helped me cultivate growth for myself. (Ahem Kristen and Hillary). I've been thinking things over and I came to some decisions about how I feel about everything. I just started to feel like, maybe I'm not bigger than cancer. Maybe I don't have to be bigger than cancer in order to survive. I look back on the last few months and cancer has screwed me over; it's caused me pain and hurt my relationships. And I don't think I was conscious of this, but I think I've been angry with myself for not overcoming it and being bigger than cancer. Like I really thought I ought to be bigger than it. That's what everyone says, right? All these PSAs say, "Beat cancer." And I'm a pretty capable person. I'm young and I have a lot of people behind me. I don't have the worst...

There was a lot of confusion around the time of and after the RAI treatment. I attribute this to the communication I had with my radiologist. He was kind of rough around the edges. After a while, I came to the conclusion that he may be real smart and he may know science and medicine, but he must be new or something. He didn't seem very good at treating people . This gave me a great appreciation for my endocrinologist. She's great. So anyway, of course I was dying to know what would come next and my mom and I asked him many questions around the time of the RAI. He'd kind of brush me off and say, "Yeah, yeah." So I thought I'd know the results of the RAI, like right after. But that wasn't the case. I came back for another appointment and I thought I'd be getting some answers, but he had none. He explained that the medicine was still working in my body and would continue to work for a few more months. He said I'd get some answers in a few months. I ...