Each fallen robin

I'm thinking of my friend Matt a lot tonight. I heard a very tragic song tonight and it brought up a lot for me. Apparently Chelsea Hotel No. 2 by Leonard Cohen is a well known song about Janis Joplin. I adore Janis and a poster of her hangs on my bedroom wall. 

I guess I'm still coming to terms with the fact that good things end too soon? My experience with cancer (that's the name of the blog, right?) has changed me. I think it's brought closer to the surface the darkness we all have inside of us. I heard a different song today (Innocent Son by Fleet Foxes) and it reminded me of the two months after my second surgery where I stayed up until 2am most nights listening to music and online shopping. Darkness. The quiet moments no one sees. I was going back through older blog posts and I was shocked to see this picture. I've just had a really emotional reaction to this tonight. I can't fathom that that's how I looked. It must be someone else.

This was 10 days post-op.

Anyway, Leonard says some things of Janis that I completely identify with:

"I don't mean to suggest that I loved you the best,
I can't keep track of each fallen robin.
I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel,
that's all, I don't even think of you that often."

I can't re-state that or tell you why I relate and put it in different words. I tried to, but it didn't work and I erased it. It's perfect as is.

We miss you, Matt.