Almost cancer-free
Last week, I got some legitimately good news. My thyroglobulin level came down to 2.1! This means the radioactive iodine is still working in my body, eight months later. Remember that because I have thyroid cancer, that number needs to be 0 for me to cancer-free. Thyroglobulin measures thyroid cells in my body. They also test for thyroglobulin antibodies and I'll be honest, I still don't understand that piece. I've asked my endocrinologist a few times, but it's never clicked for me. Let me give you an idea of where these levels have been. I went back through all my tests results online and it's all dated. These are the total thyroglobulin, not the thyroglobulin antibodies.
(9.7) 7/11/12--Two days before radioactive iodine.
(6.1) 8/28/12--Seven weeks after radioactive iodine. They thought it would decrease more than it did. Then they found the second malignant tumor and that explained it.
(3.0) 12/20/12--Fourteen weeks after second surgery. Because it went down to 3.0, it was decided that I didn't need more radioactive iodine at this time.
(2.1) 2/27/13--Twenty four weeks after the second surgery.
My endocrinologist actually seemed hopeful. She said I won't need to be seen again for another three months. They'll do a whole workup on me in July, which will be the one year marker of having had the radioactive iodine. She actually mentioned my brother's upcoming wedding in her email. I'm so impressed that she remembered that as something important for me this summer. I have a lot of respect for her. I feel very lucky that she's my doctor.
It's a mix of emotions for me. I feel like I don't know how to receive good news. Part of me thinks, "That's B.S. I would love good news. I'd love to win the lottery, I'd love to be cancer-free, good news is awesome." But there's a part of me that I don't understand and it doesn't know how to receive the good news. I barely told anyone this good news. I told my parents, my boyfriend, my brother and my sister in law. That's about it. I have friends who I love, but I didn't pick up the phone and call any of them. Maybe because I have to tell the whole spiel of what thyroglobulin is and what it's been measuring at and what it means to be at 2.1. I guess it's easier to just keep it to myself, and then blog about it when I find the time. Which is now.
I almost feel like it's time for me to have another surgery. I've been on a cycle of having surgeries and treatment, and I can't imagine going the rest of the year without having medical procedures. Of course I went 19 years of my life not being on that track. But after having the year that I've had, it just seems odd that the path is taking a turn. I guess this is what it feels like to be taking the turn. I don't trust that it's going to get better I guess. I'm not optimistic that I'll never have cancer again, thyroid cancer or otherwise.
Being almost cancer-free is a tough place to be in. I'm seeing a new dentist now and my first appointment was today. I had to fill out some paperwork and that meant disclosing that I've had cancer. When the dentist saw it, she asked how I'm doing. I've started to really observe people and they like to know that the cancer is gone. I mean, wouldn't anyone? I find it annoying to explain that no, I'm not cancer-free, but almost. I think it makes sense to people that I have cancer when I can't use my left arm and I have a big swollen red incision on my neck. It makes sense to people that I have cancer when my neck is covered in white gauze. It doesn't make a lot of sense that I have a little cancer when the color in my face is back and I'm dressed normally and standing up straight and my physical wounds are healed. Maybe that's all my perception, though. Long story short, I awkwardly stumbled through telling her that yeah, I'm fine. Ultimately, it's a long story. I should make cards and carry them with me so that when people ask how I'm doing, I can just hand them the card. Or tell them to visit the blog. To ask me, "How are you doing?" is such a loaded question. There's a lot. And I'm not out of the woods. Don't know if I ever will be.
I don't mean to bum anyone out, but that's how I feel today. I'm actually in a really good place aside from all this. I don't want to sugarcoat my reaction to these things. I will enjoy reading this blog years from now.
It's an odd time of year because the anniversaries are starting to pop up....and it's been emotional. Eight months ago I had the radioactive iodine. Tomorrow will mark six months post-op of my second surgery. It was this weekend one year ago that I was told I'd need to have a biopsy. It was a sad time. I'm glad I've put the cigarettes down this year, though. Just for today.
So I'm almost cancer-free. Now what? Well, I've been observing a vegan diet for the last three weeks. I'll write another blog post on that. The hope is that this way of eating will keep cancer at bay. By the way, when my thyroglobulin was checked, my TSH was checked too. I'm at 0.02 right now. It went up from 0.01 in December. My dosage is 150 micrograms of levothyroxine. I'm still not experiencing any uncomfortable side effects, though I'm rather hyperthyroid and have been for months.
Here's a glimpse of the paperwork I filled out today at the new dentist office I'm seeing.
(9.7) 7/11/12--Two days before radioactive iodine.
(6.1) 8/28/12--Seven weeks after radioactive iodine. They thought it would decrease more than it did. Then they found the second malignant tumor and that explained it.
(3.0) 12/20/12--Fourteen weeks after second surgery. Because it went down to 3.0, it was decided that I didn't need more radioactive iodine at this time.
(2.1) 2/27/13--Twenty four weeks after the second surgery.
My endocrinologist actually seemed hopeful. She said I won't need to be seen again for another three months. They'll do a whole workup on me in July, which will be the one year marker of having had the radioactive iodine. She actually mentioned my brother's upcoming wedding in her email. I'm so impressed that she remembered that as something important for me this summer. I have a lot of respect for her. I feel very lucky that she's my doctor.
It's a mix of emotions for me. I feel like I don't know how to receive good news. Part of me thinks, "That's B.S. I would love good news. I'd love to win the lottery, I'd love to be cancer-free, good news is awesome." But there's a part of me that I don't understand and it doesn't know how to receive the good news. I barely told anyone this good news. I told my parents, my boyfriend, my brother and my sister in law. That's about it. I have friends who I love, but I didn't pick up the phone and call any of them. Maybe because I have to tell the whole spiel of what thyroglobulin is and what it's been measuring at and what it means to be at 2.1. I guess it's easier to just keep it to myself, and then blog about it when I find the time. Which is now.
I almost feel like it's time for me to have another surgery. I've been on a cycle of having surgeries and treatment, and I can't imagine going the rest of the year without having medical procedures. Of course I went 19 years of my life not being on that track. But after having the year that I've had, it just seems odd that the path is taking a turn. I guess this is what it feels like to be taking the turn. I don't trust that it's going to get better I guess. I'm not optimistic that I'll never have cancer again, thyroid cancer or otherwise.
Being almost cancer-free is a tough place to be in. I'm seeing a new dentist now and my first appointment was today. I had to fill out some paperwork and that meant disclosing that I've had cancer. When the dentist saw it, she asked how I'm doing. I've started to really observe people and they like to know that the cancer is gone. I mean, wouldn't anyone? I find it annoying to explain that no, I'm not cancer-free, but almost. I think it makes sense to people that I have cancer when I can't use my left arm and I have a big swollen red incision on my neck. It makes sense to people that I have cancer when my neck is covered in white gauze. It doesn't make a lot of sense that I have a little cancer when the color in my face is back and I'm dressed normally and standing up straight and my physical wounds are healed. Maybe that's all my perception, though. Long story short, I awkwardly stumbled through telling her that yeah, I'm fine. Ultimately, it's a long story. I should make cards and carry them with me so that when people ask how I'm doing, I can just hand them the card. Or tell them to visit the blog. To ask me, "How are you doing?" is such a loaded question. There's a lot. And I'm not out of the woods. Don't know if I ever will be.
I don't mean to bum anyone out, but that's how I feel today. I'm actually in a really good place aside from all this. I don't want to sugarcoat my reaction to these things. I will enjoy reading this blog years from now.
It's an odd time of year because the anniversaries are starting to pop up....and it's been emotional. Eight months ago I had the radioactive iodine. Tomorrow will mark six months post-op of my second surgery. It was this weekend one year ago that I was told I'd need to have a biopsy. It was a sad time. I'm glad I've put the cigarettes down this year, though. Just for today.
So I'm almost cancer-free. Now what? Well, I've been observing a vegan diet for the last three weeks. I'll write another blog post on that. The hope is that this way of eating will keep cancer at bay. By the way, when my thyroglobulin was checked, my TSH was checked too. I'm at 0.02 right now. It went up from 0.01 in December. My dosage is 150 micrograms of levothyroxine. I'm still not experiencing any uncomfortable side effects, though I'm rather hyperthyroid and have been for months.
Here's a glimpse of the paperwork I filled out today at the new dentist office I'm seeing.
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