It has been quite a while since I wrote, wow! A lot has happened since my last post in 2019. I ended up applying as a transfer student to Sac State and I was accepted into the Spanish BA program. After I learned I was accepted for fall 2020, the pandemic hit in early 2020 and seemed to unnerve most of us. I was fortunate that my job wasn't affected, and I have remained healthy this whole time! Not by accident of course...I have been very cautious in my exposure to other people, even after being vaccinated in 2021.
In terms of my cancer monitoring, my thyroglobulin has remained stable and my ultrasounds continue to look the same year over year. I hit a big milestone this month and that is the 10 year anniversary of my diagnosis. I am grateful to be alive and I'm humbled by reaching an anniversary many don't get to see. The difference between 19 and 29 is mind-blowing.
Deciding to transfer to Sac State and finish my Bachelor's degree was tough. I had to admit things to myself I'd been previously unwilling to see, like that cancer really scared me and stunted me at a young age. I think it's really cool that young adults feel invincible in their early adulthood, and I think that's the best time to go take big swings and try things, before one's own mortality looms too large. I had a really hard time in my 20s returning to the educational path that I felt cancer stole from me. Although my cancer treatment and recovery only lasted about six months, the slump following it seemed to go on awhile. Lots of things kept me afloat, like yoga and support from friends and family. But for whatever reason I wasn't ready to bet on myself and try something big, until more recently. I'm really appreciative of the support and encouragement I got from friends and family in my return to school. I'm so glad I finally decided to finish my degree. I feel really proud of what I was able to accomplish the last two years at my university, and I am eager to see how far I can take my education. I am enrolled in the Spanish MA program this fall at Sac State. Here goes nothing!
Now is also a good time to tell you that I had a son last year! :) Becoming a mother has been incredibly rewarding, and watching him grow and change gives Johnny and I so much joy. I had a really healthy pregnancy and uneventful birth--all anyone could ever ask for! Besides needing an increased dosage of thyroid replacement hormone, my thyroid cancer history didn't affect my pregnancy or breastfeeding experience at all. This is something I always wondered about. I'm so fortunate my fertility wasn't affected by what I went through. That was one of the first things I googled when I was diagnosed at such a young age.
I decided to memorialize my brother on my cap when I graduated this last week. He died at the young age of 34, in 2020 when I was 11 weeks pregnant. To say that was a difficult time would be an understatement. Anyone that's read this blog knows I can be a little morose and morbid as I've explored my own mortality and existentialism from such a young age. Well then imagine my surprise losing a close loved one so prematurely! My brother Brent left behind his lovely wife and three sweet children, and he is so missed by his family and friends. He was a self-taught musician who played really beautiful music. His loss devastated all of us. He had previously attended Sac State and didn't complete his degree (non-linear educational trajectory? we must be related). I have some of his ashes and they were in my office with me for the three semesters that I took courses on Zoom. I used to tell my family Brent's in classes with me all week long! And now celebrating his life on my cap felt like a special symbolic gesture, to commemorate his life and try to keep bringing him on adventures with me. I think of him any time I taste a flavorful meal, hear the melodica in a song, or breathe in fresh air while walking on a trail.
It's nice to write here and update things. I feel less and less comfortable using social media. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Social media is designed to sell us things, keep us engaged and coming back for more dopamine, and I have just found it to propagate little more than pain. My news tab on Facebook is full of news headlines about murdered children....how is this normal? Instagram doesn't rub me the wrong way as much. I enjoy writing things down for posterity and sharing it with those who read here.
How to close out this entry...one of the many things that helped me drum up the courage to pursue finishing my degree and then persevere through loss and birth to actually continue to the finish line was listening to an NPR podcast called How I Built This. It's a business podcast where various founders and CEOs of big companies are interviewed to tell the backstory of their companies. They tell these amazing stories of all they overcame to reach success. I cannot overstate to you how little I care about business. Entrepreneurship and business interest me SO little. And yet I find these stories so relatable and helpful. It's inspiring to hear people tell stories of overcoming so many obstacles. Every time a new episode is released, I'm all over it. I love hearing how people did not give up, and how they thought creatively and collaborated and pushed through self-doubt. That is the most inspiring thing to me about humans. We will all faces trials and difficulties. To me the recipe to success is allowing myself time to feel all the feelings that come with the human experience, tapping into an inner wisdom or a stronger being, whatever kind of high power one connects to, and keeping a buoyant and cheerful attitude in the face of adversity. I've heard it said that the obstacles are the path. I don't expect only sunny skies ahead. I am really grateful for all I've overcome, and I'm really inspired by how far I've come. I've been basically refusing to accept compliments from people about completing my degree while grieving a death and caring for a new baby, so it's a really big deal that I can say I'm proud of myself haha. But I am! Thanks for reading, guys. Hopefully I don't take three years to update next time.
Comments
Post a Comment