Goodbye 2013
It's that time of year and I'm reflecting a lot....ya know, 2012 I had two surgeries and a radioactive treatment for my thyroid cancer. 2012 was the year of taking action against the cancer, in harmful ways really. I feel like 2013 was the year of feelings....so much feelings! I'm just sitting here thinking, have I dealt with my thyroid cancer? Of course it's different for everyone blah blah. I guess I have been dealing with it as it comes. It's just not over, so that's why I'm ambivalent for 2014.
I think 2012 was very traumatic and I didn't realize it until this year. I realized it, but maybe didn't feel the full extent of everything until this year. I was so disappointed this year when my progress in recovery from cancer plateaued and I didn't get to that cancer-free finish line. I still can't fucking believe this is my life. Johnny has been reading a book written by a doctor that discusses cancer treatment going back over the centuries. He's sharing all these different things about it with me and I can't believe it's real in my life, that I'll be a thyroid cancer statistic. I just do my best daily to never have another cancer again....seriously the only thing worse than this really would be to develop another type of cancer. The only thing worse than one cancer is two. I try to eat well, I don't smoke, I'm doing the natural deodorant and I'm not smelling great but that's okay, I'm getting used to it, and the list goes on.
In two days I have my first day of yoga teacher training. I got an email from my instructor tonight just discussing the first day and I was just so giddy to read it! And to know that there will be 11 women in the group! I really can't wait. I'm so excited.
I'm moving to Sacramento in two weeks, partly because my training is down there. I'm moving in with one of my closest girlfriends, and another roommate. We're renting a cute little house that I can't wait to live in. My boyfriend won't be moving in with me. I don't know, we've been together five years now but we just haven't lived together yet. I really love him, he's the best. I'm sad to leave the town we've always lived in, but we'll be back near each other soon. See? Ambivalence.
And I don't know what 2014 will hold...I get so excited thinking I could be teaching yoga in a year. But I get very discouraged thinking about my health. I'll have more blood tests and an ultrasound in January. I know I'll be okay no matter what, but I do worry. When I get done with my training I know I"ll be in such good shape (not that I'm not in good shape now) but to think that my body might have to recover from another neck surgery....ugh I dread it. I hope it doesn't have to work out that way.
I do feel a little like Groundhog Day because this time a year ago I was wondering if I'd be able to take classes in the spring, pending how my blood tests went...but I took the plunge and signed up for classes before my doctor even told me that I would be good to go, but then ended up finding out in July that I wasn't cancer-free and would eventually need more treatment. So I can never predict what's going to happen! I've just got to keep moving forward and doing what's right, doing what feels right, and I'll see what happens.
Yoga continues to be a healthy escape in my life. This head of mine needs clearing a lot....God and yoga. It works for me.
Johnny and I took our annual end of the year trip, this year to Point Reyes, and got back today. It was nice, although we were both pretty broke this year and we barely scraped up enough money to make it happen. Here's a picture I love, that he took on a trail by Moss Beach, near Half Moon Bay.
So goodbye 2013....you were definitely a mixed bag. My nephew turned 4 and my niece turned 1, I was accepted into the yoga training program, I visited Seattle, and I was put into such a spot that so many people reached out and helped me this year....I'm so grateful. The worst stuff sometimes turns out to be the best. Can't wait to see what 2014 has in store!
I think 2012 was very traumatic and I didn't realize it until this year. I realized it, but maybe didn't feel the full extent of everything until this year. I was so disappointed this year when my progress in recovery from cancer plateaued and I didn't get to that cancer-free finish line. I still can't fucking believe this is my life. Johnny has been reading a book written by a doctor that discusses cancer treatment going back over the centuries. He's sharing all these different things about it with me and I can't believe it's real in my life, that I'll be a thyroid cancer statistic. I just do my best daily to never have another cancer again....seriously the only thing worse than this really would be to develop another type of cancer. The only thing worse than one cancer is two. I try to eat well, I don't smoke, I'm doing the natural deodorant and I'm not smelling great but that's okay, I'm getting used to it, and the list goes on.
In two days I have my first day of yoga teacher training. I got an email from my instructor tonight just discussing the first day and I was just so giddy to read it! And to know that there will be 11 women in the group! I really can't wait. I'm so excited.
I'm moving to Sacramento in two weeks, partly because my training is down there. I'm moving in with one of my closest girlfriends, and another roommate. We're renting a cute little house that I can't wait to live in. My boyfriend won't be moving in with me. I don't know, we've been together five years now but we just haven't lived together yet. I really love him, he's the best. I'm sad to leave the town we've always lived in, but we'll be back near each other soon. See? Ambivalence.
And I don't know what 2014 will hold...I get so excited thinking I could be teaching yoga in a year. But I get very discouraged thinking about my health. I'll have more blood tests and an ultrasound in January. I know I'll be okay no matter what, but I do worry. When I get done with my training I know I"ll be in such good shape (not that I'm not in good shape now) but to think that my body might have to recover from another neck surgery....ugh I dread it. I hope it doesn't have to work out that way.
I do feel a little like Groundhog Day because this time a year ago I was wondering if I'd be able to take classes in the spring, pending how my blood tests went...but I took the plunge and signed up for classes before my doctor even told me that I would be good to go, but then ended up finding out in July that I wasn't cancer-free and would eventually need more treatment. So I can never predict what's going to happen! I've just got to keep moving forward and doing what's right, doing what feels right, and I'll see what happens.
Yoga continues to be a healthy escape in my life. This head of mine needs clearing a lot....God and yoga. It works for me.
Johnny and I took our annual end of the year trip, this year to Point Reyes, and got back today. It was nice, although we were both pretty broke this year and we barely scraped up enough money to make it happen. Here's a picture I love, that he took on a trail by Moss Beach, near Half Moon Bay.
So goodbye 2013....you were definitely a mixed bag. My nephew turned 4 and my niece turned 1, I was accepted into the yoga training program, I visited Seattle, and I was put into such a spot that so many people reached out and helped me this year....I'm so grateful. The worst stuff sometimes turns out to be the best. Can't wait to see what 2014 has in store!
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