One year later

I've meant to catch up and mark the one year anniversary of my diagnosis, but I've been super busy living this life that I've gotten back.

May 2nd was a strange day. I just can't believe it's been one full year. I'm super grateful for where I'm at now. June 1st was also odd, to think that this time one year ago I was in the hospital. And right now, June 19th a year ago, I was struggling with an infected incision. Yuck.

I must say life afterwards is tough. I feel like people don't really talk about it any more. No one really asks about it. I find myself wanting to talk about it. This reminds me of Samantha on Sex and the City having breast cancer and Smith seeing a counselor, but Samantha not seeking that out. Anyway. People ask how I'm doing and there's innuendo on what they're referring to. I don't know, I guess I just have a lot of reflecting to do.

My Mom and I were driving this weekend and talking about where I was a year ago. I was recalling when I would be wailing crying in bed in the middle of the night because of how bad my incision hurt. Those were the times I wanted to jump off a bridge. I guess it's worth noting that I didn't really feel that way after the second surgery.

One gift that's come out of this cancer thing (there have been countless gifts) is my new way of eating. I've been eating vegan for four months and I'm sort of finding my way and finding what works. Every time I have to go back to the store to buy more fruit or more vegetables because I'm always running out, I just tell myself when I go to pay that this is my medicine. My expensive medicine. I truly do see it that way, though. This is my insurance against future health problems, keeping in mind though that I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Man, I always have to take it here, huh? Can't let something be too light. So because I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, I've found some delicious raw vegan desserts : ) of course.

I finished the spring semester in May, which is something I didn't think I could do. It's not like I achieved a PhD or anything, but for me, getting to continue my education is a huge blessing.

Lately I've also been getting more involved in yoga. Through my cancer journey, I haven't really been able to practice. I practiced yoga off and on before my diagnosis, and I really enjoyed it. The meditative, quite nature of yoga is much more appealing to me than fast-paced and sweaty cardio or things like that. That's just not for me. I tried to exercise that way for a while, but it's not the right fit for me. Between my first and second surgery, which was roughly three months, I think I went to yoga a few times. I was very cautious of my neck and I was afraid of hurting myself. After the second surgery, I wondered if I'd ever get back to yoga. Fortunately, I went back four months post-op and I think yoga was a huge contributing factor to the relief of the nerve damage in my shoulder and arm. I was pretty discouraged at first because there were so many poses I had to pass on. I'm happy to say that now, nine months post-op, there's nothing I can't do because of my neck. The progress has been amazing. I've just trusted in the process and I've continued to make it a priority and my body has healed. I'm in better shape post-cancer than I was pre-cancer. Here are some pics. I'll let them speak for themselves.

First, here are some pics of one month post-op. Notice how I can't really turn my head and my body is just overall awkward? God, that just did not feel right. My family was at a fall festival thing.

And now today:

This one may not seem like a big deal, but it's huge considering the trauma my neck has had. Letting my neck go like that is really difficult, but yesterday I was finally able to do it.

I loved holding Crow on a tree at Calaveras Big Trees State Park earlier this month.

I'm loving the progress and I want more! Stay tuned.